letter

Hey. It's been a while. 6 years even... You know, sometimes I look back and I really cannot believe that the time has gone by that quickly. I still have a hard time believing that it really happened. I'm even having a hard time just typing this now. It's like, all this time, I have just wanted to think it was a dream. And there are still times when I go home and walk into the Thomasville Wal-Mart and hope to see your face. Sometimes, I even think I do see you. I know that I really don't see you, but it's just so unbelievable to me that you are gone. I hate that I hurt you. I know you know that, and I know you know how deeply sorry I am. That's why we were able to start over as friends. Once everything died down, we were able to get past the anger we had towards each other and start over, working on becoming the friends that we always should have been. I never did tell you though... I loved you so much. More than you realized. Probably more than you thought I did, after the way we ended things. I loved you so much that I realized I was not what you needed. I was never going to be "that" girl for you, and I came to understand that. I am so sorry that we got lost in our anger for a time. When I look back now, I hate it even more. Had I known that we had such a short time left, I would have done my best to push past it sooner so that we could have really enjoyed our friendship the way we were meant to enjoy it. I hate that you didn't call me when things got rough. I hate all of it, to be honest with you. I was so ANGRY, 6 years ago. I was just so infuriated that this had happened. I am ashamed to admit it, but I was really angry at God. I just couldn't understand how He could take you like that. It's not fair. Not one bit. You were such a good guy. Never intentionally hurting anyone. How God could allow you to be hurt like that and then to take you from us all... I still don't understand it. It still bothers me. I do realize that God's plans are higher than my way of thinking, and I know that He had a purpose behind it all. I know that I may never know that purpose. I am steadfast in my faith, and I know that I will see you again someday. But, in my human weakness, I still hurt over it and I still have a hard time comprehending the workings of God in this. I couldn't talk to mom about it. I still have a hard time talking to her about it. She has lost people in her life, and I've even lost others before, but this somehow feels so different. You know how my mom can be sometimes, and I just could NOT stand to hear a sermon after this. I know that she only wants to help, so I don't get upset with her and I try to take what she has said about it with faith that God is telling me something I need to hear. I have talked my hubby about you since we've been together. He is there to lend his shoulder when needed, but even he doesn't truly understand how I feel about it. I don't know if anyone understands. That's what makes it so hard. If you were here, you would understand it. But, if you were here, it wouldn't be this way. I need for you to know something before I go. You were incredibly important in my life. I didn't realize it until later, but you taught me a lot about myself. I have not and will never forget you and the kind of person that you were.

"Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face. You told me how proud you were, but I walked away. If only I knew what I know today. I would hold you in my arms. I would take the pain away. Thank you for all you've done. Forgive all your mistakes. There's nothing I wouldn't do, to hear your voice again. Sometimes I want to call you, but I know you won't be there. I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do. And I've hurt myself by hurting you."

Sorry I never told you all I wanted to say.

~Moonpie

Our Auburn Game

So, my friend, Christy, who has her own blog, has been posting all week about some of her favorite Auburn things because she is going to be at the game tomorrow. Lucky. Today, she went more in detail about the pre-game festivities. I thought that it was really great. I'll probably snitch some things (or a lot) from her blog, but I wanted to share my experiences from a purely "fan" perspective. Hubby, of course, graduated from Auburn, so he has many many experiences from which to draw. Well, I did not graduate from Auburn, and I have only been to 4 games thus far. I have been an Auburn fan for pretty much all my life. I have always cheered for them, but until I went to my first game, I didn't know what I was missing. I have been to a couple of college football games, but it was Troy, and it was before they joined up with Div. I-A football. For me, Troy was more about the band though. Wow, do I love me some band music! If you know me at all, you know that I am a music LOVER. So, band music at a football game is really exciting to me. But, I digress...

To me, a full Auburn game experience starts the night before the game. It's all about the excitement leading up to the game. The outfit is a MUST. Up until last weekend, I had usually just gone for comfort, and worn blue jeans/shorts and a shirt with my jersey. Last weekend (for what was the best game I've ever attended) I had the perfect gameday outfit. Or, what I thought was the perfect pregame outfit. I had ordered this so-adorable navy blue western-style dress from Old Navy. It hit just above my knee, and had cute western-y snaps on the front pockets. Loved this dress! I also had a nice bright orange tank top to wear up under it, so I could leave the top buttons of the dress undone. I had navy blue tights, cream fishnets to wear over the tights, a brown belt with a large silver buckle, and absolutely FABULOUS brown boots. Well, apparently, we didn't think it was such a great thing because we left it hanging on our door at home and didn't realize it until we got to Montgomery. So, I had to go find another gameday outfit. It wasn't perfect, but it was still pretty good.
Another good thing about the excitement starting the night before is the great fellowship with old friends and family that you don't get to have as often as you'd like. We are called an Auburn FAMILY for a reason. There's nothing that can match that warmness and just bubbly happiness that is inside when you are just enjoying everyone's company.

And now, GAMEDAY! Gameday in Auburn is truly a sight to behold. It's being up at your tailgate site on Friday night to set up your tent, and getting up at 7 am on a Saturday to start smoking your chicken/beef/pork/etc... for enjoyment throughout the day. It's about freezing in the morning, sweating in the heat of the day, and freezing again at night, all for the love of your team! And it's the shakers... you HAVE to have shakers.

Our gameday started on the parking lot by the tennis courts. We hung out with some friends for a bit. I took D walking around a little, because he has never really spent time in Auburn before. We walked by the swimming pool where the swimming/diving team practices. We walked by the new Auburn Arena, by Beard-Eaves Memorial Colosseum, and down to where Tiger Walk ends. He enjoyed seeing things before it got too crowded. We walked back to our tailgate spot and just enjoyed the company and weather until time for one of my most favorite traditions: Tiger Walk.

"Before each Auburn home football game, thousands of Auburn fans line Donahue Avenue to cheer on the team as they walk from Sewell Hall (the athletes' dormitory) to Jordan-Hare Stadium. The tradition began in the 1960s when groups of kids would walk up the street to greet the team and get autographs. During the tenure of coach Doug Barfield, the coach urged fans to come out and support the team, and thousands did. Auburn is the first known school to conduct an organized procession of players into the stadium. Today the team, led by the coaches, walks down the hill and into the stadium surrounded by fans who pat them on the back and shake their hands as they walk. The largest Tiger Walk occurred on December 2, 1989, before the first ever home football game against rival Alabama—the Iron Bowl. On that day, an estimated 20,000 fans packed the one block section of road leading to the stadium. According to former athletic director David Housel, Tiger Walk has become "the most copied tradition in all of college football."^[8] As it grew in popularity, the Tiger Walk has become a fixture for road games. Fans will gather at visiting stadiums and cheer the team on from the buses into the stadium."
-Source Wikipedia

I LOVE me some Tiger Walk. I love how you have to get up there pretty much a whole HOUR before it even starts if you want to get a good spot to take some great pictures.

This is one of the cheerleaders who begin Tiger Walk. Aubie is the one who actually starts Tiger Walk and therefore is the first one you see. I wasn't able to get a good shot of Aubie this year though. It's just so exciting to be thisclose to your favorite players and coaches!

Usually, after Tiger Walk, we start to make our way into the stadium and get a drink or two and then find our seats. We take our time, because we know there's still over an hour until kick-off. Saturday was no exception. We all got our drinks/snacks and made it to our seats and there was just a little over an hour before kick-off. The stadium time is shown on the scoreboard and is set at 60 minutes. When we are exactly an hour before kick-off, the clock will start and you can feel the stadium start to come alive. Pre-game festivities start when there are 20 minutes until kick-off, but the 40 minutes prior to that just fly by. There are so many people coming and going and music is playing on the speakers... It's just so... I can't really even think of the right word. We usually hear "I Wanna Rock and Roll all Nite" by KISS and "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi. That last one is a personal fave of mine anyway, but it's just so cool to listen to it in the stadium. They'll start to play it and the whole crowd will sing along. When it gets to the chorus, they mute the music, but you can hear the crowd just keep singing. It's really awesome!

Pre-game activities usually start shortly after the Bon Jovi plays. The cheerleaders will start some cheers to get the crowd energy up, which is usually already high anyway. It doesn't take much to get us any MORE pumped up at this point :) After some cheers, the big thing that happens is watching the Eagle soar around the stadium. I really cannot do justice to the experience by talking about it. It's one of those things that you just have to BE there to really know what I'm talking about.



After the Eagle flight, the fun begins.... Remember when I mentioned how much I LOVE band music at a football game? Well, THIS band music takes the cake. The Auburn University Marching Band is definitely one of the reasons I enjoy going to these games. When they are about to take the field, we get to watch a band pre-game video. Seriously. I'm quoting my friend Christy here, but does YOUR band have a pre-game video?



Yeah. Chill bumps.

So, after this video, the band starts to take the field, behind the leadership of its 3 drum majors. The lead drum major takes his baton and twirls it wildly and with abandon. Finally, he raises it as high as he can and then thrusts it into the ground, as if he is declaring "I OWN this." You ought to hear the crowd at this point. It is insane! The band goes through the fight song, Glory Glory, God Bless America, and they play the National Anthem.
After the National Anthem is played, it is now time for the band to move into the AU formation and if you don't have a shaker at this point, you are probably getting whacked in the head by all the others around you. Once the AU formation is made, they are getting ready to line up so the team can take the field.


And now... the moment you have been waiting for...

"This place was great way before you got here. And we are not going to let our people look at us, and let them down."






And now, as we watch our Tigers leave the locker room, a familiar song starts to play. I'm sure you know what it is...


duh... duh duh duh... duh duh duh... duh duh DUUHHH....




Eye of the Tiger... And here come our Tigers!

At this point, you can TASTE the excitement, adrenaline, and just about every other emotion that is pouring out of almost everyone in the stadium. The entire game is usually packed with that same emotion, especially the game we attended last weekend. I mean, WOW! This Arkansas game was absolutely, without a doubt, the best game I have ever experienced. I know that if I am able to attend others, I will likely have a better one, but just from what I know now... WOW.

Anyway, for me, being a big fan, this game experience is like no other. It's been said by Kirk Herbstreit that Auburn has a unique feel, especially on gameday... His statement couldn't be more accurate. It's one of the many reasons I love that town. War.Eagle.

Updates, updates, and some more updates

I just noticed that it has been about 3 months since I last blogged. Wow, I'm a slacker. Not really, I've just been busy with life, and there really hasn't been anything to blog about. I don't want to just blog about silly stuff and bore you all to death :)

So, I guess I'll just filter through my head on things that have happened over the last three months and just update anything that needs updating. Nothing will be in any specific order, so if I jump around, I apologize in advance.

One thing that has been a praise for us, is something that started out as a worry regarding B. No, she wasn't sick or anything. She had been at a church daycare since August of last year, when I started working full-time again. That church daycare had been a great place. Everyone was so nice and it really was a good environment for her. As a rule, I don't actually like daycares. Mainly because if one kid gets a cold, every kid will get it and will keep it for two months. It will just be a vicious cycle of sickness. The second reason I didn't really like it was that they always called me whenever they thought that B was showing the slightest sickness sign. I understand that if your kid has a fever, vomiting, or diarrhea, you have to take extra precautions that the other kids don't get it. Well, the kicker was, B never got any of that. She would run a fever the day after she would have shots, and when she was teething. It wouldn't be anything big, and she would feel absolutely fine, but it never failed. I got a call from them that B had a fever and I would have to either leave early myself, or see if hubby could leave early and get her. The whole sickness thing is why she had to have tubes put in also. Less than a month after starting daycare, she had her first ear infection, and had 4 more within the next 2 months. It's normal for a kid to have between 6 and 12 in a year/year and a half time span, but she had 5 in three months. So, we had to do tubes. The first set was in November 2009. When we went back for the follow up (2 wks), one came out and we had to reschedule to put it back in. In January this year, we had it put back in and he went ahead and replaced the other, just so a fresh set would be in all at one time. We have had ZERO problems since then. At her 4 month follow up, things were great and he said to follow up again in 2 months. 2 months later, still looking good and scheduled another 2 month follow up. The reason behind the 2 month follow ups was that the tubes can typically come out after 6 months, so he wanted to keep a check on them. Hubby took her back for that visit last Wednesday, and one of the tubes had already come out. The ear still looked good, all clear and stuff, and the other tube was still in and still working. So, he said to schedule a 4 month follow up, since she's been doing so well. Obviously, if she gets another infection, we'll go back before the 4 months, but if all goes smoothly, we may never have to get another set of tubes. I'm really praying for that! It would be very nice.

Part of the reason that B has been doing so well is the tubes, but also the fact that she is no longer in a daycare setting with tons of sick, snotty-nosed kids. Her church daycare closed right before Labor Day. I knew they were closing the Friday before Labor Day, but they made an executive decision to close about 2 weeks before that. I found out on Thursday, and they were closing on Friday. Really a great thing, let me tell you. So, I already had checked around and had found another where I would enroll her, but I had told them I wouldn't need it until after Labor Day. They weren't going to have a spot available until then. One of the ladies who worked at the church daycare said that she was going to see about getting her license and opening up a home daycare. She asked if we would let her just keep B and one other kid until she was able to get that done. We went out to her house and met her family, and just checked out everything. I'm going to give all the glory to God here, because it has been the BEST blessing to have B with her. She said that she might not even go through with getting a license, because she loves just keeping B and the other little girl. B loves her to death. She is just such a great person to have keeping B. She loves them like they were her own and it shows so much. She even made both the girls little pillowcase dresses. How many babysitters do you know that will do that? So, because B is now in a setting where it's clean a LOT more than it was at daycare, and there are no other sick kids around, she's not getting sick much and therefore, not having the problem with drainage in her ears.

In work news... well, there's not really any news to report there. I did finally become full-time, but that was in June. I keep doing my job and keeping my nose clean. I did interview for another position, but I haven't heard anything from it. I'm not too sure that I want it. It would be a pay raise, but it's similar to what hubby does (minus the travel) and I don't know that I would be very good in that kind of position. So, we'll see. Hubby is still working his butt off, and not getting any real credit for what he's done. It really frustrates me to see how hard he works to get his job done and to get it done well, and they keep passing him over for things. He has a co-worker that just experienced that herself. She has been with the company for some years now and was trying for an assistant mgr position. She was qualified with education, work experience, and travel experience, and yet they still passed her (and others equally qualified) over and gave the position to a TRAINEE who had only been with the company for about 6 months. So, you see the frustration there.

D is doing well in school, other than talking too much, but I can't really do much about that. I am told that I was quite the talker in my day as well. :) He is in PACE, which is the gifted program for the Public School System. He is doing okay there also. He has a project to work on, which requires the use of a PowerPoint presentation. I was a little surprised at that, because I don't know many 3rd graders who need to use PowerPoint. I learned how to use it in high school, but I didn't actually have to use it in an assignment/project until college. So, it should be interesting. He is too smart for his own good sometimes. I don't know his exact reading level, but I can guarantee that he reads at least 2 grade levels higher than 3rd grade. I was going to start him on the Harry Potter series, because he does enjoy the movies. We started reading the first book together, and he decided he wanted to finish it. He had it read in a week. Now, with me being an avid reader myself, you have to think about it for a bit. This is a kid who is 8 years old. The first Harry Potter book is meant for kids from 10-12, because that is the age of Harry Potter when it starts out. D is ready to go on to the next books, but I think I'm still going to hold off and let him get to 5th grade before we work on the rest. We started him in Cub Scouts because we need him to have a safe outlet where he can meet other kids and make friends. It's a hard thing, working full-time, and then trying to get home to pick up the kids on time and make sure one is ready for scouts and the other has eat and is ready for bed. It's even harder when hubby is out of town, like he is this week.

Here is another reason why I love B's babysitter. I can take food for B to have for lunch and dinner on Tuesday (the day of D's den meeting). I'll go pick D up from school and take him home to get him ready for scouts. I take him to scouts, sometimes stay for the meeting, pick B up after, and she will have already eaten dinner and will be ready for bed when we get home. So nice!

We went to Auburn this weekend for the Arkansas game. So fun! It was also D's first experience at an Auburn game. He wasn't too sure about it all at first, because it was so hot and he was not used to being at that kind of sporting event. But, once the temperature started to cool down and he started listening to the band and stuff, he really enjoyed himself. He's not terribly into sports right now, and I'm okay with that, but I do want him to be involved in this with us. Both hubby and I love Auburn football and we want to include him when we do this kind of thing. B got to go on her first overnight trip without mommy this weekend as well. When we went up to Auburn, we dropped B with my parents for the weekend. I think she enjoyed herself too, and she did well. I was a little concerned, because she has really only ever had me be the one putting her to bed, so I wasn't sure how that would go over. But, I think it went well, and it shows that it will be easier to do again.

Hmmm... I think that may be all the updating I can do right now. I can't think of anything else, and I need to get cleaned up and ready for work tomorrow. So, peace out and WAR EAGLE!

Eight is Great!

So, a friend had this kind of thing posted on her blog and I thought it was a rather neat idea. I decided to give it a go.

You're supposed to go to the file/drive where you keep your pictures, go to the 8th folder, go to the 8th picture, and post it, giving a story/description of the picture and such.

So here goes...


Obviously, this is hubby and B. She is doing one of her favorite things here, trying to play with hubby's phone. I won't let her play with mine at all, because she has a tendency to go straight to her mouth with it, so I just don't want to take that chance. However, hubby will let her play with his phone. Can you tell that she's going to have him wrapped around her finger?! I can!!

Flag Day

I walked through a county courthouse square, on a park bench an old man was sitting there.
I said, "Your old courthouse is kinda run down." He said, "Naw, it'll do for our little town."
I said, "Your old flagpole has leaned a little bit, and that's a Ragged Old Flag you got hanging on it."

He said, "Have a seat," and I sat down. "Is this the first time you've been to our little town?"
I said, "I think it is." He said, "I don't like to brag, But we're kinda proud of that Ragged Old Flag.

"You see, we got a little hole in that flag there when Washington took it across the Delaware.
And it got powder-burned the night Francis Scott Key sat watching it writing O Say Can You See.
And it got a bad rip in New Orleans with Packingham and Jackson tuggin' at its seems.

"And it almost fell at the Alamo beside the Texas flag, but she waved on though.
She got cut with a sword at Chancellorsville and she got cut again at Shiloh Hill.
There was Robert E. Lee, Beauregard, and Bragg, and the south wind blew hard on that Ragged Old Flag.

"On Flanders Field in World War I she got a big hole from a Bertha gun.
She turned blood red in World War II. She hung limp and low by the time it was through.
She was in Korea and Vietnam. She went where she was sent by her Uncle Sam.

"She waved from our ships upon the briny foam, and now they've about quit waving her back here at home. In her own good land here she's been abused -- she's been burned, dishonored, denied, and refused.

"And the government for which she stands is scandalized throughout the land.
And she's getting threadbare and wearing thin, but she's in good shape for the shape she's in.
'Cause she's been through the fire before and I believe she can take a whole lot more.

"So we raise her up every morning, take her down every night.
We don't let her touch the ground and we fold her up right.
On second thought, I do like to brag, 'cause I'm mighty proud of the Ragged Old Flag."

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I am the Flag

by Ruth Apperson Rous

I am the flag of the United States of America.

I was born on June 14, 1777, in Philadelphia.

There the Continental Congress adopted my stars and stripes as the national flag.

My thirteen stripes alternating red and white, with a union of thirteen white stars in a field of blue, represented a new constellation, a new nation dedicated to the personal and religious liberty of mankind.

Today fifty stars signal from my union, one for each of the fifty sovereign states in the greatest constitutional republic the world has ever known.

My colors symbolize the patriotic ideals and spiritual qualities of the citizens of my country.

My red stripes proclaim the fearless courage and integrity of American men and boys and the self-sacrifice and devotion of American mothers and daughters.

My white stripes stand for liberty and equality for all.

My blue is the blue of heaven, loyalty, and faith.

I represent these eternal principles: liberty, justice, and humanity.

I embody American freedom: freedom of speech, religion, assembly, the press, and the sanctity of the home.

I typify that indomitable spirit of determination brought to my land by Christopher Columbus and by all my forefathers - the Pilgrims, Puritans, settlers at James town and Plymouth.

I am as old as my nation.

I am a living symbol of my nation's law: the Constitution of the United States and the Bill of Rights.

I voice Abraham Lincoln's philosophy: "A government of the people, by the people,for the people."

I stand guard over my nation's schools, the seedbed of good citizenship and true patriotism.

I am displayed in every schoolroom throughout my nation; every schoolyard has a flag pole for my display.

Daily thousands upon thousands of boys and girls pledge their allegiance to me and my country.

I have my own law—Public Law 829, "The Flag Code" - which definitely states my correct use and display for all occasions and situations.

I have my special day, Flag Day. June 14 is set aside to honor my birth.

Americans, I am the sacred emblem of your country. I symbolize your birthright, your heritage of liberty purchased with blood and sorrow.

I am your title deed of freedom, which is yours to enjoy and hold in trust for posterity.

If you fail to keep this sacred trust inviolate, if I am nullified and destroyed, you and your children will become slaves to dictators and despots.

Eternal vigilance is your price of freedom.

As you see me silhouetted against the peaceful skies of my country, remind yourself that I am the flag of your country, that I stand for what you are - no more, no less.

Guard me well, lest your freedom perish from the earth.

Dedicate your lives to those principles for which I stand: "One nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

I was created in freedom. I made my first appearance in a battle for human liberty.

God grant that I may spend eternity in my "land of the free and the home of the brave" and that I shall ever be known as "Old Glory," the flag of the United States of America.

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Oh! Thus be it ever, when free men shall stand
Between their loved home and the war's desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust."
And the STAR-SPANGLED BANNER in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!




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I know that many people don't think that Flag Day is a big holiday. True, it doesn't get as much recognition as the other patriotic holidays, but it's still important. I mean, the Flag is an important part of our nation and it's history. It is supposed to represent a living, breathing nation. So so many do not show it the respect that it has earned. Did you know that every time you are in a setting where the flag is raised and the national anthem is played, you are supposed to put your hand over your heart, remove your hat (if you're wearing one) and turn your attention to the flag? Not just when you feel like it or not just at a patriotic event. EVERY time. I mean, it's something that we've all done at sporting events, but how many times have you noticed that you or someone that is sitting near you does not do that? I've seen it more than I'd like. To me, it is one of the simplest things you can do to show respect to the flag, to our nation, and to those people who have given their lives for our freedom. Just honor the flag. It's that simple. You have absolutely no idea how many people have fought (and are still fighting) and who have died trying to preserve the freedoms that we enjoy every day. It's just something to think about. Try to see the flag as a living memorial to those people. I do. It's something that I'm thankful for every day. And again, just something for all of you to consider.

The Room

::by Joshua Harris::

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings.

As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards.. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed at."

Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents Often there were many more cards than expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived....

Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting.. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched," I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me.

One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards.

But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand..
And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him... Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response.. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes.

Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, and so alive.

The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished."

I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

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Oh my God in Heaven, how wonderful are Your ways! You know exactly what I need and when I need it. Your ways are higher than our ways and even through the fire - take heart and know, God is in control.

I'm not ashamed to admit that this really, and I mean REALLY, hit me when I read it. I am a Christian, but I am afraid that I won't have many cards in my drawer that's labeled "People I've Shared the Gospel With." Lord help me be a light in this world of darkness.

family, family, and more family

Last weekend, the kids and I went up to Clarke County for the Baugh-Danzey Family Reunion. My great-great-grandfather and great-great-grandmother (whom I never knew, of course) were Robert S. Baugh and Annie Laura Danzey Baugh. Their children include my Granny, and my two great-aunts and two great-uncles (one of whom was killed in WWII when his plane crashed. My Granny had five kids - my 3 uncles, my mom, and my aunt. Mom had big brother, me, and little brother, and now I have D and B.

I don't really have a huge family by any means, but I have more relatives than I really remember and know. We had a good turnout at the reunion. Pretty much all of the cousins that I know (except for a few) were not able to come because they all live too far away and/or had prior obligations. It's nice to get together with family. It's even nicer when you are getting together because you just want to, and not because of a funeral or something! I like that most of my family is kind of close together in geographical location. Some of us don't live that close, but for the most part, they all live within an hour of each other. I just think that's nice.

Family is important. I mean, we all have spats with our family and we all get on each others' nerves every once in a while. It's understandable. But there are some who forget the value of a tight family relationship. Even if you disagree or have an argument, you should always be there to support your family, especially in times of need. When a family member needs a helping hand or a listening ear, we should be willing to provide it if we are able. If you have a strong family background and a supportive family background, it is a lot easier to accomplish the goals you may have. Knowing you have the support of your family can help give you the courage to take a step of faith. You know God will always be there and His loving hands will hold you all the while, but it is an added bonus to know that you have family that will care and be there for you too.

I don't really know where I'm going with all this. Family has just been on my mind lately and I just wanted to share its importance.

Anywho... here are a few pictures from the reunion - Enjoy!

Yay for March!

So, I think I've done all I can do right now. I really don't like the new job thing. I'm still there, and still working because I still need the money. It's not as much work as the previous position, but it's sooooo ~~Time Consuming~~

I get all the medical records done, then work on claims... and then more claims, and then more claims... it's a never ending kind of thing, and if there was a way to make it faster, that would be great. I had stopped taking my iPod to work when I was in the other position because the day usually went by quickly enough. But in this one, I will have to start taking it again... I need something to make the time pass. I wish... well, we all know what I really wish, so why bother anymore, right?

Switching gears now...

Hubby got some news that his grandfather is not doing very well, so I would ask that you pray for peace and comfort in this time for hubby and the rest of his family. Pray that God's hand is on the family and that His peace will be with them. It is difficult to have your grandfather in ill health. I know from experience. My Grandaddy (mom's dad) passed away before I was a year old, so I never really knew him. My PawPaw (dad's dad) passed away just over 4 years ago. He was the only grandfather I really knew and he was a good one.

I also covet your prayers in some relationships that are struggling. They were going to have the Lord's Supper tonight at church, but I didn't really feel that it would be right of me to partake tonight. Bro. Jeff preaches (and I tend to agree) that one should be right with the Lord when the Lord's Supper is observed. Meaning, if there has been an argument or something that is hindering you from being at peace with God, then you should not partake in the Lord's Supper until that has been resolved. So, hubby and I are wonderful. But I have some other relationships in my life that are not so great. I have prayed about them and I believe I have done all I can do at this point to try and make it better. I can only give it to God now and pray that He will bring peace to this. So, please pray for me as this road goes on.

It is nearing midnight on my end now, so I will trudge off to bed and try to get a decent night's sleep before the work week starts all over again.

Long days

So I've been slacking on the blog lately... It's just been busy and hectic here in my world. Hubby and I have not been able to start the Love Dare thing yet. I was planning to get that going this week, but we found out that he had to go out of town again next week and then a couple of weeks after that. I reckon I'll just plan to start it one day and we'll have to manage it while he's out.

I spent a few nights and Saturday morning getting stuff ready to take to the Kidz Klozet sale in Mobile. I dropped it off on Sunday afternoon. The sale is March 2 - 6 from 10 to 6 pm. It's a great sale for first time parents/grandparents, and even seasoned parents. They don't take anything that has been recalled and if a carseat is over 3 or 4 years old they won't take it, so you know you're getting something that is safe. There are over 850 consignors for this one and it's a LOT to look at. So, you know, if you happen to be down this way... :)

B is still growing so fast. She is walking around like she's been doing it for years. She took her first steps the day after her birthday and she hasn't turned back. We had a couple of family portraits taken at the beginning of February and some of B for the whole "one-year" thing. We haven't ordered them yet, or I'd have some posted for everyone to see.

The biggest thing that is going on right this second happens to involve my job, yet again. It is not a good thing and I only have until sometime tomorrow to have made a decision about it. Basically, they want me to either take a small (and it really is a small one) pay cut and work in a different position, or I won't have a job anymore. They don't think I'm working out where I am right now and want me to move. So, I have to decide whether I'll take the position, or take the unemployment.

Believe it or not, it is NOT a no-brainer. Yes, I need a job. I have a family that I help support and we are just not in a financial position for me not to have a job right now. Or at least, not for long. I could be unemployed, but I'd have to be searching every day for a new job. And, I have some slim criteria.

With hubby traveling as much as he does, I can't work past 5 in the evenings and I can't work before 7 in the morning. And, since I do value my time with my husband, if I want to spend any time with him at all when he's traveling, I can't work weekends either. So, I have to have a job that works either 7 to 4 or 8 to 5 on Monday thru Friday. It's hard to find a job like that around here. Especially one that would pay decently.

Speaking of pay, the pay cut for the new position is only by $1.00. It's not a terrible pay cut. It's about $40/wk that I wouldn't get. It would be a bit harder to make ends meet, but not impossible. I also don't know whether or not the job would guarantee me being hired on full time instead of staying a temp.

So - cons of taking new position:

1. pay cut

2. still stressful work environment

3. uncertainty about the temp thing

Pros of taking new position:

1. still have a job

2. possibly getting hired on and earning time off

3. still be able to help support the family

Cons of rejecting position and being unemployed for a while:

1. being unemployed

2. not being able to help support my family

3. staying stressed over finding a new job

Pros of rejecting position/unemployed:

1. no more stressful work environment

2. more time with my precious babies

3. more time... in general (when not hunting for work, of course)

I also need to mention that if I chose to reject the position, thereby becoming unemployed, I would take the kids out of daycare/after school care. I would love it, but in the event of a job interview, I would have to scramble to get someone to look after them while I did it, and then I'd have to worry that there wouldn't be a spot available in daycare when I needed to put B back. (D's kids club would always have a spot available)

It's a lot to think about, that's for sure. I sometimes wonder if we lived somewhere else, what our lives would be like there. How is the job market in other places? I just am really frustrated with the job market here.

I think that I have talked myself into just accepting the new position. A lot still rides on the whole temp thing too though. If I have to stay a temp for even longer or start over, I don't know that it would be worth it..... Ugh, I have a headache just thinking about all of this. I have to go to bed now though... It's going to be a long enough day tomorrow.

a new challenge

So, it's not really a huge challenge. I know I've probably done some harder things. But, I love the Fireproof movie. True, the acting probably isn't the best I've ever seen, but it has a really good message. So often we let little things keep adding up and they end up overtaking our relationships. When big things happen, we try to deal with them right away, but we can let the little things go on and go on... and they can end up making one really big thing that is too much for us to handle on our own.


Jack and I have a great relationship. Sure, we have our spats, but we've always had a great communication relationship and that helps out a lot when we are a bit miffed at each other. We recently watched the Fireproof movie again and it got me thinking, "what if we did the love dare?" In the movie, they were doing the love dare because the marriage was almost completely dissolved. There was almost no hope left for reconciliation between them. The Love Dare was supposed to help them rebuild what had been broken and start anew. Jack and I definitely don't have anything remotely similar going on in our marriage. But, I can't help but wonder if doing The Love Dare would strengthen what we already have. It surely couldn't hurt. So, I went off in search of The Love Dare. At Wal*Mart, they have a 365 day devotional for couples in love dare fashion, but that wasn't what I wanted. I looked at Target and found exactly what I was looking for:It's the 40 day Love Dare, as used in the Fireproof movie. I am really excited to start this. Hubby has another out of town work trip scheduled for February 14 - 19, so we aren't going to do it until he gets back from that, but I am really looking forward to it. We have been able to get to church for the past two weeks, so I feel really good about that. I'm still working on some other relationships that need the work and with God's help and your prayers, that will work out too.

I have a prayer request that has nothing to do with all of this though. I have had some dental problems in the recent past. Before working at my current job, I just didn't have the funds to pay for the kind of stuff that needs to be done. At least, not at one time. Now working a full time job, the money isn't as big of an issue, but the time off is. I am still a temp for the next month, so I have no time off and I can't afford to miss any more work. I am in danger of losing my job if I have to be out again before my temp status is up. I need prayers here. I really have to have some of this work done before this month is over, and I just don't know how to do it. And really, I have spent more of my time in the last few years focusing on D's health and now B's health. I tend to think they are more important. Maybe that's just the mom talking, but whatever. You know how we do :)

while I'm waiting...

Have you ever had one of those moments where you feel like a song is speaking directly to you? With my background in music and my intense love for all things music, I have it happen often. Especially when I am listening to Contemporary Christian music. Yeah, it happens a LOT. Luckily, I have this handy thing I like to call an iPod, and if I've heard a song that really hits me, I try to find it and download it asap. I'll probably post some different entries with the songs that have really got to me and why, but I'm definitely starting with this one. I think I may have heard it before I saw "Fireproof," but I'm not 100% sure. My radio is pretty much permanently fixed to Power 88.5 down here and when I'm not listening to it, I've got my iPod plugged in. If I had not heard it before the first time I watched the movie, that is probably why it sounded familiar when hubby and I watched it again this weekend. Have I mentioned how much I love that movie? Well, I do, and that's another post for another time.

Anyway, this song was called "While I'm Waiting," by John Waller. I believe he's a new artist. It's on his debut album called "The Blessing," as well as on the "Fireproof" soundtrack. The lyrics are as follows:

I'm waiting.

I'm waiting on you Lord, and I am hopeful.

I'm waiting on you Lord though it is painful.

But patiently, I will wait.

I will move ahead, bold and confident.

Taking every step in obedience.

While I'm waiting

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will not faint

I'll be running the race

Even while I wait

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on you Lord, and I am peaceful

I'm waiting on you Lord though it's not easy

But faithfully, I will wait

Yes, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will not faint

I'll be running the race

Even while I wait

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So, if you have ever been waiting... for anything really... you know how hard it is to stay focused on what you need to be doing while you're waiting to get or do whatever. I have been waiting on God to answer some prayers, to give me any signs on things. I know He's there always and He is always in control. I just feel like He's telling me to wait before things happen or before He shows the signs or whatever. It is incredibly hard to wait. I think that John Waller was trying to touch on how hard it is to wait, but also emphasize how important it is to ACTIVELY wait. Yeah, God may be working on His personal timetable, but that doesn't mean that you stop worshiping and serving Him while you wait on His answer/response.

I know I need to get better at this. It's one on my list of many things I need to improve. So, I could definitely use some prayers here. While I try to do better, I also need prayers that I can get my family back into a church involvement. With hubby being gone so much (and leaving on Sundays, no less), it is really difficult to get motivated to go anywhere on Sundays. I might try to swing some Wednesdays soon, but that will be hard as well. I try to do a devotional every day, but I like being in a church environment. I am already a Christian (and have been for years) but I know I need to be in a fellowship with other believers. But D is a new Christian and needs to be learning about God and everything. So, I definitely need prayers here while we try to get this moving in the right direction.

Time Passing By

Time passes. Even when it seems impossible.

In less than 24 hours, my sweet little girl will officially be "one year old." Seriously? Has it been a whole dang year already? I swear I feel like it was just yesterday that I was in the hospital having her. I wish she could stay my sweet baby for longer than this! It has been a ride this year. It's been an adjustment, having two kids now, but I've loved every minute of it. D has been a huge help and he just gets smarter every day too! It is so amazing how quickly your children grow. It's really no longer or shorter than normal, but there is just so much that happens in the first year.... Soon she'll be telling me that she can do it herself (I was quite famous for that when I was little!) and going to school and riding bikes.... It is so bittersweet. I love to watch D and B grow and learn, but all the while, I know that all the love and teaching I am giving is only to prepare them for their lives after they leave home. I am raising them so they can leave and live on their own. Wow... it's really an even sadder concept now. I don't want my babies to leave! I do want them to grow and learn and be wonderful people, but it's sad to know that they will leave me one day. I always knew this though. Even when I was younger, I knew this cycle. It's why I always got teary while watching "The Little Mermaid." Yeah, I said it. The part where they get married at the end. I always got sniffly when I was younger because I knew that I would get married and leave my family one day. Now, I get sniffly because I know my babies will be there soon. Time just moves so quickly.

Treasure your babies (even the big ones!). They will be grown and gone before you know it. Give them all the love that is in your heart. Teach them the ways of the Lord. Give of your time, any time you have. You never know when it will be the last. Kiss your children every night when they go to bed. Those moments mean so much to a child. Praise their accomplishments. Give a listening ear when they fail. Be there. Even if they don't want you to talk, they want you to be there. LOVE THEM. More than you think you could ever love anything or anyone, love them.