letter

Hey. It's been a while. 6 years even... You know, sometimes I look back and I really cannot believe that the time has gone by that quickly. I still have a hard time believing that it really happened. I'm even having a hard time just typing this now. It's like, all this time, I have just wanted to think it was a dream. And there are still times when I go home and walk into the Thomasville Wal-Mart and hope to see your face. Sometimes, I even think I do see you. I know that I really don't see you, but it's just so unbelievable to me that you are gone. I hate that I hurt you. I know you know that, and I know you know how deeply sorry I am. That's why we were able to start over as friends. Once everything died down, we were able to get past the anger we had towards each other and start over, working on becoming the friends that we always should have been. I never did tell you though... I loved you so much. More than you realized. Probably more than you thought I did, after the way we ended things. I loved you so much that I realized I was not what you needed. I was never going to be "that" girl for you, and I came to understand that. I am so sorry that we got lost in our anger for a time. When I look back now, I hate it even more. Had I known that we had such a short time left, I would have done my best to push past it sooner so that we could have really enjoyed our friendship the way we were meant to enjoy it. I hate that you didn't call me when things got rough. I hate all of it, to be honest with you. I was so ANGRY, 6 years ago. I was just so infuriated that this had happened. I am ashamed to admit it, but I was really angry at God. I just couldn't understand how He could take you like that. It's not fair. Not one bit. You were such a good guy. Never intentionally hurting anyone. How God could allow you to be hurt like that and then to take you from us all... I still don't understand it. It still bothers me. I do realize that God's plans are higher than my way of thinking, and I know that He had a purpose behind it all. I know that I may never know that purpose. I am steadfast in my faith, and I know that I will see you again someday. But, in my human weakness, I still hurt over it and I still have a hard time comprehending the workings of God in this. I couldn't talk to mom about it. I still have a hard time talking to her about it. She has lost people in her life, and I've even lost others before, but this somehow feels so different. You know how my mom can be sometimes, and I just could NOT stand to hear a sermon after this. I know that she only wants to help, so I don't get upset with her and I try to take what she has said about it with faith that God is telling me something I need to hear. I have talked my hubby about you since we've been together. He is there to lend his shoulder when needed, but even he doesn't truly understand how I feel about it. I don't know if anyone understands. That's what makes it so hard. If you were here, you would understand it. But, if you were here, it wouldn't be this way. I need for you to know something before I go. You were incredibly important in my life. I didn't realize it until later, but you taught me a lot about myself. I have not and will never forget you and the kind of person that you were.

"Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face. You told me how proud you were, but I walked away. If only I knew what I know today. I would hold you in my arms. I would take the pain away. Thank you for all you've done. Forgive all your mistakes. There's nothing I wouldn't do, to hear your voice again. Sometimes I want to call you, but I know you won't be there. I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do. And I've hurt myself by hurting you."

Sorry I never told you all I wanted to say.

~Moonpie

Our Auburn Game

So, my friend, Christy, who has her own blog, has been posting all week about some of her favorite Auburn things because she is going to be at the game tomorrow. Lucky. Today, she went more in detail about the pre-game festivities. I thought that it was really great. I'll probably snitch some things (or a lot) from her blog, but I wanted to share my experiences from a purely "fan" perspective. Hubby, of course, graduated from Auburn, so he has many many experiences from which to draw. Well, I did not graduate from Auburn, and I have only been to 4 games thus far. I have been an Auburn fan for pretty much all my life. I have always cheered for them, but until I went to my first game, I didn't know what I was missing. I have been to a couple of college football games, but it was Troy, and it was before they joined up with Div. I-A football. For me, Troy was more about the band though. Wow, do I love me some band music! If you know me at all, you know that I am a music LOVER. So, band music at a football game is really exciting to me. But, I digress...

To me, a full Auburn game experience starts the night before the game. It's all about the excitement leading up to the game. The outfit is a MUST. Up until last weekend, I had usually just gone for comfort, and worn blue jeans/shorts and a shirt with my jersey. Last weekend (for what was the best game I've ever attended) I had the perfect gameday outfit. Or, what I thought was the perfect pregame outfit. I had ordered this so-adorable navy blue western-style dress from Old Navy. It hit just above my knee, and had cute western-y snaps on the front pockets. Loved this dress! I also had a nice bright orange tank top to wear up under it, so I could leave the top buttons of the dress undone. I had navy blue tights, cream fishnets to wear over the tights, a brown belt with a large silver buckle, and absolutely FABULOUS brown boots. Well, apparently, we didn't think it was such a great thing because we left it hanging on our door at home and didn't realize it until we got to Montgomery. So, I had to go find another gameday outfit. It wasn't perfect, but it was still pretty good.
Another good thing about the excitement starting the night before is the great fellowship with old friends and family that you don't get to have as often as you'd like. We are called an Auburn FAMILY for a reason. There's nothing that can match that warmness and just bubbly happiness that is inside when you are just enjoying everyone's company.

And now, GAMEDAY! Gameday in Auburn is truly a sight to behold. It's being up at your tailgate site on Friday night to set up your tent, and getting up at 7 am on a Saturday to start smoking your chicken/beef/pork/etc... for enjoyment throughout the day. It's about freezing in the morning, sweating in the heat of the day, and freezing again at night, all for the love of your team! And it's the shakers... you HAVE to have shakers.

Our gameday started on the parking lot by the tennis courts. We hung out with some friends for a bit. I took D walking around a little, because he has never really spent time in Auburn before. We walked by the swimming pool where the swimming/diving team practices. We walked by the new Auburn Arena, by Beard-Eaves Memorial Colosseum, and down to where Tiger Walk ends. He enjoyed seeing things before it got too crowded. We walked back to our tailgate spot and just enjoyed the company and weather until time for one of my most favorite traditions: Tiger Walk.

"Before each Auburn home football game, thousands of Auburn fans line Donahue Avenue to cheer on the team as they walk from Sewell Hall (the athletes' dormitory) to Jordan-Hare Stadium. The tradition began in the 1960s when groups of kids would walk up the street to greet the team and get autographs. During the tenure of coach Doug Barfield, the coach urged fans to come out and support the team, and thousands did. Auburn is the first known school to conduct an organized procession of players into the stadium. Today the team, led by the coaches, walks down the hill and into the stadium surrounded by fans who pat them on the back and shake their hands as they walk. The largest Tiger Walk occurred on December 2, 1989, before the first ever home football game against rival Alabama—the Iron Bowl. On that day, an estimated 20,000 fans packed the one block section of road leading to the stadium. According to former athletic director David Housel, Tiger Walk has become "the most copied tradition in all of college football."^[8] As it grew in popularity, the Tiger Walk has become a fixture for road games. Fans will gather at visiting stadiums and cheer the team on from the buses into the stadium."
-Source Wikipedia

I LOVE me some Tiger Walk. I love how you have to get up there pretty much a whole HOUR before it even starts if you want to get a good spot to take some great pictures.

This is one of the cheerleaders who begin Tiger Walk. Aubie is the one who actually starts Tiger Walk and therefore is the first one you see. I wasn't able to get a good shot of Aubie this year though. It's just so exciting to be thisclose to your favorite players and coaches!

Usually, after Tiger Walk, we start to make our way into the stadium and get a drink or two and then find our seats. We take our time, because we know there's still over an hour until kick-off. Saturday was no exception. We all got our drinks/snacks and made it to our seats and there was just a little over an hour before kick-off. The stadium time is shown on the scoreboard and is set at 60 minutes. When we are exactly an hour before kick-off, the clock will start and you can feel the stadium start to come alive. Pre-game festivities start when there are 20 minutes until kick-off, but the 40 minutes prior to that just fly by. There are so many people coming and going and music is playing on the speakers... It's just so... I can't really even think of the right word. We usually hear "I Wanna Rock and Roll all Nite" by KISS and "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi. That last one is a personal fave of mine anyway, but it's just so cool to listen to it in the stadium. They'll start to play it and the whole crowd will sing along. When it gets to the chorus, they mute the music, but you can hear the crowd just keep singing. It's really awesome!

Pre-game activities usually start shortly after the Bon Jovi plays. The cheerleaders will start some cheers to get the crowd energy up, which is usually already high anyway. It doesn't take much to get us any MORE pumped up at this point :) After some cheers, the big thing that happens is watching the Eagle soar around the stadium. I really cannot do justice to the experience by talking about it. It's one of those things that you just have to BE there to really know what I'm talking about.



After the Eagle flight, the fun begins.... Remember when I mentioned how much I LOVE band music at a football game? Well, THIS band music takes the cake. The Auburn University Marching Band is definitely one of the reasons I enjoy going to these games. When they are about to take the field, we get to watch a band pre-game video. Seriously. I'm quoting my friend Christy here, but does YOUR band have a pre-game video?



Yeah. Chill bumps.

So, after this video, the band starts to take the field, behind the leadership of its 3 drum majors. The lead drum major takes his baton and twirls it wildly and with abandon. Finally, he raises it as high as he can and then thrusts it into the ground, as if he is declaring "I OWN this." You ought to hear the crowd at this point. It is insane! The band goes through the fight song, Glory Glory, God Bless America, and they play the National Anthem.
After the National Anthem is played, it is now time for the band to move into the AU formation and if you don't have a shaker at this point, you are probably getting whacked in the head by all the others around you. Once the AU formation is made, they are getting ready to line up so the team can take the field.


And now... the moment you have been waiting for...

"This place was great way before you got here. And we are not going to let our people look at us, and let them down."






And now, as we watch our Tigers leave the locker room, a familiar song starts to play. I'm sure you know what it is...


duh... duh duh duh... duh duh duh... duh duh DUUHHH....




Eye of the Tiger... And here come our Tigers!

At this point, you can TASTE the excitement, adrenaline, and just about every other emotion that is pouring out of almost everyone in the stadium. The entire game is usually packed with that same emotion, especially the game we attended last weekend. I mean, WOW! This Arkansas game was absolutely, without a doubt, the best game I have ever experienced. I know that if I am able to attend others, I will likely have a better one, but just from what I know now... WOW.

Anyway, for me, being a big fan, this game experience is like no other. It's been said by Kirk Herbstreit that Auburn has a unique feel, especially on gameday... His statement couldn't be more accurate. It's one of the many reasons I love that town. War.Eagle.

Updates, updates, and some more updates

I just noticed that it has been about 3 months since I last blogged. Wow, I'm a slacker. Not really, I've just been busy with life, and there really hasn't been anything to blog about. I don't want to just blog about silly stuff and bore you all to death :)

So, I guess I'll just filter through my head on things that have happened over the last three months and just update anything that needs updating. Nothing will be in any specific order, so if I jump around, I apologize in advance.

One thing that has been a praise for us, is something that started out as a worry regarding B. No, she wasn't sick or anything. She had been at a church daycare since August of last year, when I started working full-time again. That church daycare had been a great place. Everyone was so nice and it really was a good environment for her. As a rule, I don't actually like daycares. Mainly because if one kid gets a cold, every kid will get it and will keep it for two months. It will just be a vicious cycle of sickness. The second reason I didn't really like it was that they always called me whenever they thought that B was showing the slightest sickness sign. I understand that if your kid has a fever, vomiting, or diarrhea, you have to take extra precautions that the other kids don't get it. Well, the kicker was, B never got any of that. She would run a fever the day after she would have shots, and when she was teething. It wouldn't be anything big, and she would feel absolutely fine, but it never failed. I got a call from them that B had a fever and I would have to either leave early myself, or see if hubby could leave early and get her. The whole sickness thing is why she had to have tubes put in also. Less than a month after starting daycare, she had her first ear infection, and had 4 more within the next 2 months. It's normal for a kid to have between 6 and 12 in a year/year and a half time span, but she had 5 in three months. So, we had to do tubes. The first set was in November 2009. When we went back for the follow up (2 wks), one came out and we had to reschedule to put it back in. In January this year, we had it put back in and he went ahead and replaced the other, just so a fresh set would be in all at one time. We have had ZERO problems since then. At her 4 month follow up, things were great and he said to follow up again in 2 months. 2 months later, still looking good and scheduled another 2 month follow up. The reason behind the 2 month follow ups was that the tubes can typically come out after 6 months, so he wanted to keep a check on them. Hubby took her back for that visit last Wednesday, and one of the tubes had already come out. The ear still looked good, all clear and stuff, and the other tube was still in and still working. So, he said to schedule a 4 month follow up, since she's been doing so well. Obviously, if she gets another infection, we'll go back before the 4 months, but if all goes smoothly, we may never have to get another set of tubes. I'm really praying for that! It would be very nice.

Part of the reason that B has been doing so well is the tubes, but also the fact that she is no longer in a daycare setting with tons of sick, snotty-nosed kids. Her church daycare closed right before Labor Day. I knew they were closing the Friday before Labor Day, but they made an executive decision to close about 2 weeks before that. I found out on Thursday, and they were closing on Friday. Really a great thing, let me tell you. So, I already had checked around and had found another where I would enroll her, but I had told them I wouldn't need it until after Labor Day. They weren't going to have a spot available until then. One of the ladies who worked at the church daycare said that she was going to see about getting her license and opening up a home daycare. She asked if we would let her just keep B and one other kid until she was able to get that done. We went out to her house and met her family, and just checked out everything. I'm going to give all the glory to God here, because it has been the BEST blessing to have B with her. She said that she might not even go through with getting a license, because she loves just keeping B and the other little girl. B loves her to death. She is just such a great person to have keeping B. She loves them like they were her own and it shows so much. She even made both the girls little pillowcase dresses. How many babysitters do you know that will do that? So, because B is now in a setting where it's clean a LOT more than it was at daycare, and there are no other sick kids around, she's not getting sick much and therefore, not having the problem with drainage in her ears.

In work news... well, there's not really any news to report there. I did finally become full-time, but that was in June. I keep doing my job and keeping my nose clean. I did interview for another position, but I haven't heard anything from it. I'm not too sure that I want it. It would be a pay raise, but it's similar to what hubby does (minus the travel) and I don't know that I would be very good in that kind of position. So, we'll see. Hubby is still working his butt off, and not getting any real credit for what he's done. It really frustrates me to see how hard he works to get his job done and to get it done well, and they keep passing him over for things. He has a co-worker that just experienced that herself. She has been with the company for some years now and was trying for an assistant mgr position. She was qualified with education, work experience, and travel experience, and yet they still passed her (and others equally qualified) over and gave the position to a TRAINEE who had only been with the company for about 6 months. So, you see the frustration there.

D is doing well in school, other than talking too much, but I can't really do much about that. I am told that I was quite the talker in my day as well. :) He is in PACE, which is the gifted program for the Public School System. He is doing okay there also. He has a project to work on, which requires the use of a PowerPoint presentation. I was a little surprised at that, because I don't know many 3rd graders who need to use PowerPoint. I learned how to use it in high school, but I didn't actually have to use it in an assignment/project until college. So, it should be interesting. He is too smart for his own good sometimes. I don't know his exact reading level, but I can guarantee that he reads at least 2 grade levels higher than 3rd grade. I was going to start him on the Harry Potter series, because he does enjoy the movies. We started reading the first book together, and he decided he wanted to finish it. He had it read in a week. Now, with me being an avid reader myself, you have to think about it for a bit. This is a kid who is 8 years old. The first Harry Potter book is meant for kids from 10-12, because that is the age of Harry Potter when it starts out. D is ready to go on to the next books, but I think I'm still going to hold off and let him get to 5th grade before we work on the rest. We started him in Cub Scouts because we need him to have a safe outlet where he can meet other kids and make friends. It's a hard thing, working full-time, and then trying to get home to pick up the kids on time and make sure one is ready for scouts and the other has eat and is ready for bed. It's even harder when hubby is out of town, like he is this week.

Here is another reason why I love B's babysitter. I can take food for B to have for lunch and dinner on Tuesday (the day of D's den meeting). I'll go pick D up from school and take him home to get him ready for scouts. I take him to scouts, sometimes stay for the meeting, pick B up after, and she will have already eaten dinner and will be ready for bed when we get home. So nice!

We went to Auburn this weekend for the Arkansas game. So fun! It was also D's first experience at an Auburn game. He wasn't too sure about it all at first, because it was so hot and he was not used to being at that kind of sporting event. But, once the temperature started to cool down and he started listening to the band and stuff, he really enjoyed himself. He's not terribly into sports right now, and I'm okay with that, but I do want him to be involved in this with us. Both hubby and I love Auburn football and we want to include him when we do this kind of thing. B got to go on her first overnight trip without mommy this weekend as well. When we went up to Auburn, we dropped B with my parents for the weekend. I think she enjoyed herself too, and she did well. I was a little concerned, because she has really only ever had me be the one putting her to bed, so I wasn't sure how that would go over. But, I think it went well, and it shows that it will be easier to do again.

Hmmm... I think that may be all the updating I can do right now. I can't think of anything else, and I need to get cleaned up and ready for work tomorrow. So, peace out and WAR EAGLE!